started 日本語 lessons

A couple weeks ago I started taking Japanese lessons again. I think I found the perfect class. The teacher is great and the other student is Canadian and lots of fun to learn with. First couple classes were review for me, but now it is getting to new material. It is actually really fun and it is something new and different. I will have to start studying seriously soon.　 I am really looking forward to being able to have friendly conversations in Japanese and meet more people.

coming out ... again

last night I finally got up the courage to go to Chestnut and Squirrel in Shibuya and "come out" to the Tokyo lesbian community. I have tried several times to find someone either through personal ads or dating websites, but I have now gone back to the tried and true girl-bar method. I was so scared. I tried to socialize, but ended up at a table of western girls. I am really regretting that I did not get over my fear and just introduce myself to some of the Japanese girls that I liked. But I want to go back next week. It is amazing how much this feels like dating for the first time or coming out for the first time. 90% of the girls are in their twenties, but I knew that before I went. It is also amazing how much it is all coming back. I wish it wasn't just open once a week. But I am already looking forward to next week. This is cool.

fear

I am very close to releasing one of my systems onto the world.
It is just a baby. Only a shadow of my dream, but a very good start.

I know it is not perfect. I know how people can abuse it. I know how people can break it. But I also know its seeds of greatness. What I hope I can make of it.

I am excited, but even more so ... I am truly afraid. Afraid people will ignore it. Afraid people will break it. Afraid people will be judgmental. Afraid people will be dismissive. Afraid someone will try to "steal" some of the ideas. But maybe worst of all, afraid that people will love it and then I have to live up to that. Afraid of success. How strange is that.