Letting someone in

I realized something as I was cleaning my apartment. It all comes back to the idea that

love will come into ones life when we are ready to let it.

But this has been so hard to understand, but it is a truth I always realized was real. I think it might be as simple as being ready to let the guards down, but not become vulnerable. It is easy to be vulnerable, it is easy to be guarded, but it is really hard to find the proper mix. Opening one's heart to let another in, to potentially fall in love and loose one's sanity for awhile, is a little like standing naked in the world but trying to maintain inner strength and some level of calm.

Funny thing is that I realize that a simple thing like, all the junk I fill my apartment with, is part of that armour. If I want to let someone in, I need to know which parts are negotiable and which parts are not. It is not about being someones lap dog, or being a spoiled brat and demanding everything. I think this is why it failed to launch with the last person I was interested in. He wanted me to join his world, he really didn't want to meet in the middle at all. That is not who I am anymore.

It is about distance and closeness, about finding the right balance with the right person. Not really that different to making friends, but so much harder to maintain proper distance.

So yeah, damn I have a lot of crap in my apartment :) Japan is being really good for me. Really helping me to clear away and find those things which are really important to me. Maybe I have finally reached a point where the universe is ready to let me find a partner.

Spring fever

It's been a while since my last post, but life has been mostly a coast recently. There was a lot of excitement around the end/start of our contracts on April1, but it all worked out. I should be able to stay in Japan now for another 5 years at least. But I think the main thing is that I am starting to feel really comfortable here now. Nothing seems odd anymore. I also feel like I really could live here for a very long time. I have also come to realize that work is not as bad as it originally felt. It could be a lot worse, especially compared to some stories I hear about more traditional Japanese companies.

I have found a wonderful Yoga studio nearby called gllow. There is one teacher there who speaks perfect English, and everyone is really friendly and I feel very welcome. All the classes are taught in Japanese but they mostly use the english or sanscrit names for poses so I can stumble through with the little Japanese I understand. They also use many standard series. This has given me so much, and I am so happy to have found this place.

I have also become much closer to the women in my language exchange lunch group. I think we are getting closer to having more useful exchanges where we can learn better from each other. Their levels are all so different, it is really hard to make everyone happy. But I also think that there is a chance I will start to learn more Japanese through the exchange soon.

So that is maybe the main thing different now. I feel like I am on the verge of really starting to understand Japanese. I am surrounding myself with Japanese so much more now. Yoga, friends at work, constantly listening to jPop music. I recently discovered the music of BoA , she is my favorite artist right now! And I also found two wonderful websites which are really helping me now. This one which summerizes the JLPT tests and a series of Japanese lessons from NHK. Looking at these I really feel like I have a chance of passing level4 in December. So this is my focus now on the weekends. It is also cheaper than going shopping :).

I am hoping that if I can develop a basic conversational Japanese then it will be so much easier to makes friends and have more fun with people. I have also taken the jump and responded to a personal ad. We have our first date on Tuesday. I hope it turns out well...