Letting someone in

I realized something as I was cleaning my apartment. It all comes back to the idea that

love will come into ones life when we are ready to let it.

But this has been so hard to understand, but it is a truth I always realized was real. I think it might be as simple as being ready to let the guards down, but not become vulnerable. It is easy to be vulnerable, it is easy to be guarded, but it is really hard to find the proper mix. Opening one's heart to let another in, to potentially fall in love and loose one's sanity for awhile, is a little like standing naked in the world but trying to maintain inner strength and some level of calm.

Funny thing is that I realize that a simple thing like, all the junk I fill my apartment with, is part of that armour. If I want to let someone in, I need to know which parts are negotiable and which parts are not. It is not about being someones lap dog, or being a spoiled brat and demanding everything. I think this is why it failed to launch with the last person I was interested in. He wanted me to join his world, he really didn't want to meet in the middle at all. That is not who I am anymore.

It is about distance and closeness, about finding the right balance with the right person. Not really that different to making friends, but so much harder to maintain proper distance.

So yeah, damn I have a lot of crap in my apartment :) Japan is being really good for me. Really helping me to clear away and find those things which are really important to me. Maybe I have finally reached a point where the universe is ready to let me find a partner.