I think this must be a big year for me since the coming new year -Samhain- is approaching and I am having lots of thoughts. Last October I made my decision to leave England. This October I sense I am about to make a decision on whether to stay in Science or not. Which brings me to my thought - Illusion and Construct. It seems everyday I am more and more aware of the construct we call reality. What is normally referred to as "world view" or "paradigm". The foundation thoughts that shape our perception. I am also beginning to understand the idea of "crazy". I sense one who looses touch with the construct, who sees it, who steps out of it, is one who is likely to end up homeless, or crazy, or if they are lucky an oracle on the top of a mountain. But I also sense something else. What if someone can step out of the construct within themselves, but embrace the construct on their surface?
Like what I was saying in my last post about Gomi and the Japanese. It seems that the Japanese see all surface as gomi which has not been discarded. Not that it has value now and we realize later that it has outlived its use. But almost deeper. I sense that within the Japanese there is a deep anchor and that everything on the surface, the buildings, the clothing, the western habits, the fashions are all perceived inherently as temporary - as gomi which has not yet outlived its use. Or maybe this is just me, but living here has brought me to this thought so I thank the Japanese for it.
So I see at my work so much false construct, so many half steps. I can see more, I can see deeper. I can see their false assumptions and sense what will happen. And they have me building databases to store the fruits of their labor derived from their false assumptions. But I have come to realize that these assumptions are so deep that it is not a simple matter of "science" to prove my point. When I try to use their science to show them their errors, they think I don't know what I am talking about - or that I am ignorant or crazy. I feel a need to help, to correct, to shift things in the right direction, but NO ONE sees what I see.
So I sense the dream of my life is coming true. I have always believed that I exist to be part of the next paradigm shift. And I think I have come to realize that one can not shift a paradigm by showing them the new one. I think I need to chip and shatter the old. Like every process of rebirth, there is first the decent and then the rise. First the old must be stripped away, to within an inch of obliteration.
I must be the new paradigm on the inside and wear the old paradigm like gomi which has not yet outlived it use.
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2 comments:
Wow. Some deep thoughts churning away way over there Jessica. I think how we perceive ourselves - in our job, our social interactions - is subject to constant change. It is generally small steps, mostly unoticed until one day we wake and see that we have become different to the world around us. Five years ago I NEVER would have used the word 'dancer' to describe myself, and now I can barely imagine not doing so. The martial artist filter/paradigm disappeared (rather abruptly) and the dancer slowly filled in. Yet some parts of my life have not changed significantly: I am a motorcyclist, a reader, a fan of action movies, and a partner to Reena. Anther slow change to my paradigm is photography. I've always had a camera, but now I shoot and shoot.
While these two main changes, Dancer and Photographer, are avocations having nothing to do with how I earn my pay, they nevertheless influence WHO I AM when I enter the workplace. I interact with people differently, and deal with stress in a much more playful way now that I have so much experience with improvisation in my worldsense. I feel sometimes like I'm surfing at work, sensing the new eddys and currents of the workplace as I go about my tasks. That surfing motif changes how I approach my tasks as well, and my boss has noticed the ease with which I cope, and provide example to others. In short, I'm often valued more for HOW I work rather than the work I actually perform. I frequently see the output as secondary. It's ... interesting right now.
So your subsequent post seems like a good modifier to this one: Ride it out for a bit and let yourself get used to the idea that you have changed. Then you will see how you, now, fit into the role you currently play. Perhaps it will be time to move on, and perhaps not. Your eyes are open, and you are awake (Phylliss Currott's definition of a Witch), and you can exist in your familiar paradigm while you approach it with the new.
Personally, I find it to be a lark. I hope you can have some fun too as you explore the turning of the page.
Love!
Thank you Nataraj your comments help my perspective. I just see science changing - it is not an ideailized pursuit of knowledge and understanding anymore. It is about eventual product development. It is just a step away from being a business. Maybe some small labs still do science in the traditional ideal - pursuit of truth. But it seems most are just another business driven by head-counts, grant budgets and payed back with Science and Nature publications. In the it just seems that governments are paying huge amounts of money for not very good science that just seems to follow the "fad" which will get the Nature/Science publication. The truth is in the noise, not in the constructs we pull out of the noise.
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